Hedonism Collision

Just when I think my life can't get any more ridiculous, it does. I'm starting to think I'm a living breathing stereotype. If it's true that life has stopped imitating art and now only imitates television, I'm trapped in an episode of Queer as Folk.

I don't go on many dates. I have a lot of encounters (one-night stand sounds so run of the mill) but an ongoing, getting-to-know-someone kind of relationship has been largely absent from my life. It's not that I don't want one - there's nothing I like better than clicking with someone and savouring the sense of gradual discovery as your personalities slowly unfold to one another. But I didn't expect that when I found one that it would have a head-on collision with my increasingly over-the-top sex life.

I realize that perhaps my sex life isn't all that interesting or more than averagely lively, but since mine laid fallow for so long, it certainly feels like it to me. Being single after many years in a relationship feels, to me, like swimming in deep, unchartered waters. It still feels new, and it's true: there are a hell of a lot fish in the sea. And last night I was with four of them.

So how does a first date lead to crazy group sex? Apparently it involves a fair amount of alcohol, a pinch of drugs, trying on a jock strap for fun, and some fun, open-minded people. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Steve, the guy I met at the Annie show, called me on Friday night and invited me out. I was spinning that night, so I suggested he come to the club instead. He did, and during our sporadic moments hanging out together throughout the evening it became apparent that my initial appraisal of "not getting a hook-up vibe" wasn't quite right. (I always have been rather slow in this regard.) There was a bit of flirting, some kissing, some roaming hands, and most importantly, lots of laughter. Had a bit of an afterparty at my place after the club, so he and some friends came over and we had a pretty good time. We didn't call it a night until about six in the morning. I think we both wanted everyone else to just go away, but maybe that was just me. Regardless, it was nice to not hop into bed right away. Funny how I have no problem jumping into the sack with someone if I know it's just sex, but put a potential relationship on the table and I slow right down. At least in theory.

Sunday afternoon I get a text message from him, wondering if I want to meet for a drink. I did, but I had plans with friends so I was gonna suggest another night instead. Thankfully, my friends, upon hearing this, told me not to be retarded and to go. We met up at a local pub, had a drink, and it was... fantastic! Amazing, completely unawkward, interesting conversation, and stuff in common. We talked about stuff we want to share (the "oh my god, you have to come over and watch this with me" or "you have to come with me to this night" kind of stuff) and shared a little of our personal histories.

We ended up at another bar, where we cuddled and heckled the contestants of the Best Ass Contest. I enjoy being able to be an asshole with someone without fear of judgment, and to do so on a date was a whole new world of fun. Next we stumbled into a karaoke night and drunkenly sang "Since U Been Gone" to no one's amusement but ours. After this, things get hazy. We ended up meeting up with some mutual acquaintances and went to one of their friend's condo for more drinks. At some point, Steve passed out on the couch. I tended to him for awhile, but somehow ended up caught up in a game dress-up (the owner of the condo had just moved in the day before, so there were clothes strewn everywhere) and found myself modelling a jock strap. Next thing I know, a hot boy is going down on me, and things escalated from there.

What the fuck are you doing? was all I could think, and yet I couldn't stop myself. What if he wakes up and catches you with all these boys? What's he going to think? You've met this great guy and you've killed it before it's even begun. Good job.

Oddly, the atomsphere was completely casual. We'd get up and have a smoke, then head back in for more sex, or those not participating would walk around, watch for a bit, then go back to whatever they'd been doing. Basically I've reduced myself to a party favour.

Steve did wake up. I extricated myself from the sweaty limbs immediately, but seeing as my pants were temporarily missing in the sea of clothing and I only had a shirt on, it was pretty clear what was going on. I wasn't trying to hide what I'd done, but it seemed inappropriate to continue right in his face.

And then something odd happened. It was fine. He simply joined in. Me and one guy on the bed, him and the other guy on the floor. After, when all was said and done and our clothes were back on, the two of us made out for awhile by ourselves. Then a bunch of us left. Steve and some of the others went to find breakfast and I went home to bed, after we made plans to get together later in the afternoon at his work (which Steve correctly predicted I would sleep through).

Upon waking, I text messaged him to apologize for sleeping so long. He called me back shortly thereafter. I thought maybe there might be weirdness, but it was fine. He told me about his shift, and we confessed to each other that we hadn't really encountered a group sex situation like that before. And then he said the most perfect thing. That it was really great that we could share such a crazy new experience together. And there was definitely the implication that we'd be spending a lot more time together (though not necessarily in such insane circumstances, I'm sure.)

I'm acutely aware that, on the surface, all this appears distinctly unhealthy. Drinking! Drugs! Group Sex! What the fuck? It was less a first date and more a crash course in hedonism. And yet this was probably the most honest date I've ever had - we put it all out there in one go.

Perhaps I'm deluding myself, but I've never been more intrigued. We click and there's no bullshit. I don't want to weight it down with my overly optimistic romantic expectations, like I always do, but I suspect that this is the beginning of a truly unique adventure together.

And if not, at least I can say I've had what has to be one of the craziest first dates ever.