I Love Trouble

I'm in trouble again. I'm sitting here, trying not to freak out, because I haven't heard from the guy I'm seeing in two days. I can't help but think I've done something to make him mad at me. It's not like him to take more than a day to reply to one of my emails. But with the exception of a possible faux-pas on Friday night, I can't think of anything that I've done that would make him mad at me.

Or maybe that's just it: he's upset because there is something I'm supposed to have done that I haven't, only I don't know what it is and so therefore can't fix it.

See? I could run around my head like this all day. I'm definitely in trouble. This is beyond crush. I'm getting paranoid when I don't hear from him for a period of longer than a day, which, in sane people time, is not a terribly long time, which means I am beginning to fall, which, if recent history and the law of averages are anything to go by, means I am Fucked. Capital F, can't think, can't eat, can't sleep Fucked.

While the guy I'm dating seems to have nothing in common with my previous love interests on the surface - he rarely drinks, he has not tried (much to my frustration, now that we've been dating a month) to get me into his bed, he has never had a boyfriend, he seems genuinely nice - I have been checking below very carefully in case I've missed something. I'm wary of repeating previous mistakes, of falling into a pattern of falling for the same kind of guy over and over again only to end up bitchy and alone. While this guy seems generally pretty fantastic, I'm worried that I've overlooked something, some flaw that makes him similar to my past lovers that will come back to haunt me later. I mean, if I like him this much, there must be something wrong with him, right?

But other than some guardedness and a need to call the shots/be in control that reminds me of my last long-term boyfriend (qualities that, in this new guy, are tempered by self-awareness and a striking sense of humour - and besides, every relationship has an inevitable power struggle) I haven't really seen anything that could be indicative of a pattern. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's really into me, but wants to take it slow to ensure we don't fuck it up.

Real-time update: I just received a text message from him, wondering if I'm free tonight (which, dammit, I'm not.)

See? All in my head. I just need to chill out. Or I will fuck it up by creating problems where there aren't any.

Next time: how slow is too slow? Discuss.