A Little Satisfaction

There's nothing so satisfying as setting a goal and then achieving it. My goal this week was to have a great one night stand. After the whole waiter debacle, I was feeling the need to put the casual back in casual sex. Besides, it's spring. Spring always seems to bring out my inner slut.

Mission accomplished.

I went out last night with some friends, bar hopped, and brought home a cute boy. We had three hours of fun then fell into a deep and restful slumber. Well, at least I did. The poor fellow had to work today and got about an hour's sleep. I don't even remember him leaving, which is too bad, really. He was sweet. I would've liked to have gotten his number. But that would've defeated the whole purpose of the thing, I suppose, so it's better this way. I got everything I needed out of it. Besides, knowing my luck, he probably has a boyfriend anyway.

I feel like I should be ashamed or something, but it's just not happening. With the exception of my slight hangover, I feel fantastic.

Hilariously, in the midst of last night's action, I finally got a text message response from the waiter. He apologized for not getting back to me sooner and said he would explain himself when he gets back from Coachella next week. I suppose I'll hear him out if he calls, simply out of curiousity, but at this point I really don't give a shit if it happens or not. Way too little, way too late, buddy. I didn't even bother replying to his message. I started to formulate a response this morning, and then realized I was being nice, so I stopped. I don't have enough time as it is. Why waste any more on him?

Speaking of a waste of time, I posted my profile on a gay chat site the other night. I'm not sure if it's really my thing. It feels weird to me. I know it's just another forum for contact, but I can't shake the idea that there's something a little desperate about it. I have no problem spilling all the lurid details of my life here, but somehow having a profile on a chat site makes me feel exposed and vulnerable. Maybe it's because the gay community is so small. The idea of someone I know stumbling upon it kind of freaks me out. As does the idea of some freak I don't know stumbling upon it. Plus it's hard enough avoiding charlatans in person, how the hell am I going to manage it from a desktop?

Hmmm. I seem to be talking myself out of it already. But I'll give it a shot for a little bit. If I'm going to find a fuck buddy, I should be taking some steps to put myself out there. I'm just not sure how out there I'm comfortable being. What if I suddenly find myself so far gone I can't find my way home? I envison myself following the trail of used condoms back to my door. Not exactly how I pictured my life would be at this stage of the game. Thank god for the little bursts of satisfaction I get out of achieving small goals.

Most days, that's all I've got.