That Teenage Feeling

Spring really needs to kick in. I need some sun to help raise my spirits. Crushes gone awry, cocaine running rampant, group sex... if this were July, I'd be laughing my ass off at the ridiculousness of it all. Instead I feel downtrodden, tired and lonely.

I hate when I get like this. I wake up feeling like shit, hit snooze too many times, and then get angry at myself for having to rush to work. Work usually proves a hectic and welcome reprieve from my constantly turning mind, but then at workday's end I find myself on the bus home with my iPod tuned to the Smiths. For chrissake. It's like I'm fifteen again, moping around all sullen and moody, bemoaning the tragic state of affairs called my life. I'm supposed to be making change happen, not sitting around whining. I'm old enough to know better.

I miss being taken care of. I've been on my own since I was seventeen. I'm tired. I want a break. I want someone else to take the reins for awhile. I want someone to tell me exactly what I'd be brilliant at, and then tell me what to do to make it make me rich and fulfilled. Or even reasonably well off. I want to be swept off my feet. I want someone to hold me, and tell me I'm a good person. I want to feel safe. I want someone who isn't my cat to cherish my affection on a daily basis.

I could go on and on. I'm not gonna win myself any new readers today, that's for sure, unless they've googled "self-indulgent bullshit." I'm simply going to end this with some random lyric quotes that for one reason or another resonate with me lately.

When I grow up, I'll be stable.

Happy People don't give in to that sinking feeling.

Til now I always got by on my own - I never really cared until I met you.

I know it's over, and it never really began, but in my heart it was so real.

I don't care if forever never comes,
'cause I'm holding out for that teenage feeling.