Pick-Up Politics

I'm very proud of myself. I think I just sidestepped an affair.

Tonight I met Daniel, a good friend of mine that I haven't seen in awhile, for drinks and some catch-up chit-chat. Whilst out, we bumped into Derek, an old friend of his that I spent the night with a couple of months ago (see 'A Moral Gray Area') who ended up joining us. Turns out Derek is some kind of minor Canadian political figure, and actually ran for Liberal MPP in an Ottawa area riding last provincial election. This made me view his pick-up attempts this evening in an entirely different light...

1) Approach subjects potentially perceived by some as "uncomfortable" in a direct fashion ("I hope you don't feel any awkwardness with me because of what happened, I thought we had a hot time")

2) Find a way to use your current environment as an opportunity to give a compliment ("I think you should get up there" - points to male stripper on stage - "No, really. Watching you get dressed the morning after you were so casual, but it was hot. It was like watching a show")

3) Reveal your intentions through metaphor so that only those who know you well will know understand what you are talking about ("Do you want a second piece of gum? One is enough, but sometimes it's nice to have a second piece")

4) Faced with defeat, be a gentleman... ("Don't you live this way?" "Oh it's okay, I'll walk you home, I don't mind")

5) ...but maintain some semblance of dignity ("Well, I should probably head home from here. Good night" Chaste kiss, little hug, walk away, don't look back)

All delivered with equal parts charm and smarm. It was very impressive, actually. I'm surprised I didn't end up going home with him in the end. I was certainly tempted. But as much as I wanted my dick sucked, and as cute as his smug mug is, a second round with him would be opening the door to a potentially never-ending affair. I just couldn't bear to give him the satisfaction. Indeed, if the Liberals are serious about trying to make the political process more transparent, it's a shame he wasn't elected to office.

I could see right through him.